I know this is two days late but rather late than never right? For a while, I have wanted to do a post about loving yourself and being authenticly you. I don’t mean getting 200 likes on your selfie. I mean truly looking at yourself in the mirror loving who you are and what you see. Fair warning, grab your cuppa and maybe a biscuit before you read this long post.
I think in an age of #selfienation on Instagram and perfect pouts, brows on fleek, highlighter poppin’ and you name it. You may believe you need to acquire all these features or looks to be worthy. However, truly loving yourself is beyond all of this, you will never need validation from anyone. With or without makeup, in your pajamas or in your bathing suit, you need to be comfortable in your skin and in your mind. This post is not just about the exterior but also the interior, if you love your mind, heart, and body it exudes confidence.
Many people have said I have perfect skin and they wish they had the same. Not true, I have the darkest dark circles, deep set eyes, stretch marks on my boobs, knees, and butt. I have scars and eczema as well as extremely dark elbows and knees. I could go on with all that’s wrong with my face and body but I think you get the point. Not to mention my skin tone on every part of my body is different but you know what who cares? Is that going to stop me from wearing a bikini to the beach? No.
Easy for you, Miss D, you’re skinny. Yes, I may be but that does not mean it’s easier. It took me years before I could walk in the beach uncovered in a bikini. I have love handles and fat hanging, I know because if I shake my arms it wiggles. This is something I can do something about so I am not complaining. All I am trying to point out is, nobody is perfect. But if you grow to love your flaws and imperfections, you are loving yourself entirely, you yourself need the love you give to others. There’s a saying I love “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” How can you love others if you do not love yourself? You set the tone for how others treat you by how you treat yourself. If you love yourself fiercely trust me it shows, others will love you the same(not everyone will love you- but that is beside the point.)
Here are some things I think are key to loving yourself…
Knowing your flaws
Weirdos, we all have flaws and imperfections. Even Rihanna has them(I love RiRi, don’t get it twisted.) Essentially these flaws make you unique and different. Imagine a world where we all had perfect bodies, faces, Albert Einstein IQ’s and just everything was perfect, do you think this would be fun or interesting? Hell no, I mean another Miss Dhanusha would probably drive you all insane anyway. Acknowledge your imperfections, do not try to deny it.
Accepting your flaws
Well, it’s one thing to know your flaws but have you accepted them? If it’s something you can change or improve then, by all means, do it. However, if it’s something that cannot be changed, it is best you accept so you may learn to live with it and love it as it apart of you. You cannot love yourself but hate A, B, C, and D. There should be no “but” after you say you love yourself. Repeat after me “I love myself with all my flaws and imperfections.”
Stop comparing yourself to others
I was fortunate enough to learn at a young age that my life was different, there are things I never had and still do not have. Even if all of your friends or Instagram friends have it, it does not mean you need it. Things are just that, material things, they may make you happy for a moment or period of time but overall they aren’t going to keep you happy forever. Lucky there’s enough wine in Cape Town. Jokes. This is a major factor weirdo. You have to realise there is always going to be someone smarter, prettier, richer, stronger, taller and faster than you. But, your DNA is different to every other person’s in this world, no two people are 100% the same. Even if you are an identical twin, your personalities will be different. Does it not make you feel special to know that there is no other person exactly like you? Why then would you want to be like anyone else?
Get to know yourself
Many women love the colour pink, diamonds, shoes, chicken wings(lol), the Kardashians. I don’t really like any of the above including many other things and that is completely fine. The entire world may like something but you don’t need too. Do not confirm to the pattern or trends of society. There are so many trends in beauty/fashion/music etc. but it does not mean you need to like it or follow it. Moreover, do something because you love it not because it’s trending. We live in a time of influencers and Insta famous people, it is so easy to get caught up in it. If you know yourself, your likes and dislikes you won’t be easily influenced to participate in things you do not like or approve of. Doing what you love, helps you love yourself.
Being authentically you
This brings me to my next point, be the best version of yourself. Wouldn’t you rather be the best version of yourself than of someone else? I know we see celebrities and are inspired but this does mean you need to copy them or be anything like them. They got there by being themselves(hopefully), the world does not need another Beyonce. It needs you! Whoever that may be, just be you, do you boo. The world will adjust. I know this because if you are here reading this blog by some someone who calls herself Alien and her readers’ weirdos… need I say more?
Spend time alone
I know this may sound especially weird but I take myself out to coffee, out to a movie, out to dinner. Occasionally I even go grab a drink myself. I love myself, I can treat myself too. How can you get to know and truly love yourself if you do not enjoy your own company? You should try it if you don’t. I love socializing too but I love doing things on my own. It truly allows me just be free, time waits for no man. Also, if no one wants to go with I will go alone. I went to a Kelly Clarkson concert and a few others alone. Please do not confuse being lonely with being alone. I love my alone time as I have mentioned before, it helps me rejuvenate.
Know your tribe
At all times in life, you should always evaluate the people you spend time with or are close to. It is said you are the 5 people you are closest too, I do not know how true this is. But I do know certain people bring out the best in you and some bring out the worst. Some people love drama, conflict and thrive on creating it. Many people may have bad habits or will influence you to overindulge in things. My circle is so small I almost cut myself off, this is how I have always been and probably will continue to be. I try to surround myself with people who motivate me, who push me and also set me straight. If you are the smartest person in the room, change the room. Also, these people should love you for who you are not who they expect you to be.
Know your heart and your worth
Sometimes people will take you for granted or treat you badly. They may even say horrible things about you. If you know your worth and your heart, these things do not hurt you. Remember how people treat you is a reflection of themselves, not you. Never allow anyone to devalue you. Having a strong sense of self as well as practicing self-love is vital. Self-love is not selfish, it is caring for you because no one will care for you more than you do.
Compliment others without discouraging yourself
I love complimenting people, I compliment strangers, friends, and people online. I think everyone deserves compliments not just on their looks but on their intelligence, attitude, and well anything really. I have noticed people complimenting others but then saying, “I wish I had your brows”, “I wish I was that smart,” “I can never do that.” This actually breaks your own spirit and words dictate feelings. If someone is great at something, does not mean you are terrible or that can’t achieve it too. So watch your words and stay positive, believe me, whatever you set out to do you can do it!
I hope this post helps some women and men with loving themselves 100%. If you made it to the end well done, I love you! Let me know in the comments below if you have any other keys to loving yourself.
xx Miss Dhanusha
Photographer: Ghouthia Toffa.